Monday, December 01, 2003

Day 72

The hole dug my management is getting deeper and deeper. They supervisors don't seem to realize that they are causing a lot of turmoil with the staff members. They are constantly pawning off stuff on others when it should be handled by them. If it is a lab error then the lab supervisor should handle it to the end. If there is an irate patient the office manager should handle it. She should not just disappear. The lab supervisor should run the lab manifests herself to sure there is not a problem, NOT dish it out to someone else then run out the door. If a member of management wants respect then they need to show respect to the employees. Do not treat them like 2 yr olds and expect them not to throw tempertantrumes. Show them what they are doing wrong before rubbing their nose in their mistake. Show & teach them don't humiliate them.

Day 71 (late because of computer problems)

Well, tomorrow is Monday and I'm not looking forward to going in because work is getting stressful. Lay offs have started at work. They have layed of a Nurse and MA and they have eliminated a position and moved her into a MA position. Which is no the greatest because this means another person who has NO Medical background in the back. I can understand why they are getting rid of Connie. She was making way to many mistakes. She is a very hard worker but she does not learn from her mistakes. She wants to go to nursing school but I feel that she has too much of tunnel vision to make a productive nurse. She is probably end up as a nurse who will work in a nursing home. Com on the other hand, she is hard working. I think she fell victim because she has missed so many days because of her children. Cam has been walked all over by her dramatic girls. Cam needs to put her foot down and tell her 2 girls that are out of her house they need to start taking care of themselves. This jobs is getting worrisome. We have staff members who are working with patients who have no formal medical training, even first aid or CPR. It just amazes me that the office can get away with it. Our supervisor is a waste of a paycheck. You can never find her, she never handles problems, if you bring up any type of situations you will be ignored until she finds someone else to be made at, and never adresses problems that are serious. She has tunnel vision that is totally distorted. If only I could find a job that pays as much as I am making now I would leave. Come on Lotto...

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Day 71

Well, I have finnally posted the newest pictures of the kids. Cody is the little guys and I.V. Grace is my little girl with the black ear. We were totally suprised that they sat still through the whole picture taking process. I thought I would post them so the would could see how cute they are..

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Day 61

Well, I just completed a the Management Survey we were all asked to do. I had a lot on it. I have a feeling she will know who wrote it. All the topics are things that need to be addressed before the Big Guys come in and fine us. We will see what happens.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Day 58-59

I now can not sleep. I have to get some sleep maybe this will help. I usually like the TV show ER but tonight It helped bring back memories. Bad memories. When I was in Junior High School I lost 2 great people who were going through a rough time in their lives. They both made decisions that had a permanent end. My stepbrother, Jeff. committed suicide due to depression and a break up with a girl. He had such a bright future and ended it in a moment of stupidity. Several months later I lost a classmate and friend, Ryan, to the same things but add family problems to the mixed. I am not sure if Jeff was dealing with family problem. We all fought. I did not see it as much when I was visiting but I know they had problems. Tonights episode of ER had a patient shot himself in the head. Jeff & Ryan both took their lives that way. It brought back all those memories. I remember sitting with Heidi in the hallway of the school and being told to leave. I remember watching it on the news. I remember mom telling me about Jeff and then telling me that carolyn could not handle it if I was at Jeff's funeral. Last year was the the first time I accually visited his grave site. It has been very hard to deal with his death without say good-ye when it happened. It has always been a painful place in my heart. Why did the show not edit the shot out.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Day 54

Well the weekend is over. Back to work. Well dad called and Carolyn took a tumble while in San Fransico and broke her arm and injured her leg. Will she now defantly fits into our family. Now she will return from her trip to go to the doctor. Dad admitted that he has to have surgery sometime this week. I now know why I feel the way I do and why I am so accident prone.

Well, Mr. D is ticked off because I had an evening with another guy. Does this idiot not realize that he is married. I am not going to sit around hoping for him to leave his wife. I want happiness not heartbreak. I have had enough Heartbreak. This has caused him to be short with me. Oh well life is not always what you want. You chose her not me.. LIVE WITH IT BABY.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Day 47

Well, it is Sunday. It is back to work tomorrow after a few days off per the doctor. I still do not feel 100%. Still have times when my asthma is up. I get hot flashes and cold spells. I figure it is just the medicine. We will see. Tomorrow is the last day of it and it will hopefully get better. I wish I had not missed that time because I really would like to go up and see my dad after Christmas.

Diet wise. I need to get cracked on this diet thing. I have 20 pounds to lose by Christmas and that is only 52 days away. I have lost 6 pounds so far. 3 pounds in 4 weeks and 3 pounds being sick. I probably put it all back on do to this wonderful medicine. You have to eat whenever you take it and it makes you hungry anyway. You feel like you need to eat everything in sight. I have been trying to do well but it is hard. I went to the store today and bought stuff to take to work to snack on instead of junk. Like applesauce and peaches for my desk. Hopefully this will help. Now I need to get rid of the cookie dough in the fridge because that is a weakness. I have to get this going, maybe then I will get guys interested in me. Dave said he is not looking for a "relationship" but as I know it is just not with me. Oh well, I will lose all this weight and show him.

Goal: start school in January.

Day 46 (late entry)

Well, I must say I was very suprised that day showed up. And it was a very good evening.

I can not believe that tomorrow is my last day away from work. I does not seem like i have been able to rest the days I was suppose to be off. Oh Well. Time flies. Holloween sucked. We had a total of 7 trick-or-treaters. These old people spoil everything.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Day 43

Well it has been a rough week. I have been fighting a Cold or Flu since last thursday. Today I went to the doctor to get some help fighting it off. A week after it started and I can't take it anymore, time for meds. The doctor said it had indeed moved to my lungs. Now I get a few days off of work with rest. It is very hard to rest when they are still banging repairing the the entry way. It is coming out nicely though and will be worth it in the end. The door is now in and the walls are going back up. They will be stuccoing the walls tomorrow and the painting, ceilling instalation, light, thee tile and the outlets next week.

The suprising thing is that I recieved a call from Dave. The last time I heard from him was just after christmas. We talked for almost an hour. It was very good to hear from him. He talked about getting together Saturday night. It will be good to see him. It was last September since I saw him last.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Day 37

I am pretty good. but it has been a rough day. The puppies got their teeth cleaned. I felt guilty bringing them home and leaving them at lunch. I.V. Grace followed me around crying. It really broke my heart. I felt like a real mommy after that. They have been cuddly little sweethearts all night.

Well they came to put the new front door in today. It is 10:20 om and no new door because we have termites. Yep they have invaded our entry way. So No tiled entry or new door. Instead we get new stucco. We will see how this goes. And to top it all off I have had an Allergy attach all afternoon. It is getting better. The sneezing is getting better, the sniffles / runny nose is slowing. Oh well it is bed times.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Day 35

Well today we presented Dr. Slack his album. And he said he loved it. I really hope he did like it. It was a pleasure to make it for him. We had a blast at the party. It is going be hard to see him go. He has been fun to work with.

Monday, October 20, 2003

Day 36

I am feeling especially fat today. This weekend I felt like I ate a lot. I feel like a stuffed pig. I don't know why. I have had a headache for the last 2 weekends and they have been really hard to get rid of. If feel puffy and balloonish. I feel yucky. Extremely gross. I think part of it started when we went to the mall looking for clothes. I hate going shopping. Clothes depress me. Shopping clothes just dashes all hopes. Yuck.... Clothing designers suck..

Work: you know maria is one that can just dash all your hopes and dreams. She has to criticize just about everything you set your heart about. While doing her entry into Dr. Slacks book she read mine and asked if i wanted her to correct my grammer and spelling. NNNOOO... It is the way I think itis how it comes out of head. If you don't like learn to live with it or move on. This is why I do not do well in english classes. This is why I am sooo crafty. This is why I can program your cell phone and you can not... YOU DO NOT THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX. Get off it and do your job.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Day 34

Well I have completed Dr. Slacks book. In one week I completed 69 pages in one scrapbook. He will be presented with it on Tuesday. I truly hope he enjoys it. I will write you then and let you know.

Other things in my life. We took the puppies to the Petco opening and had there pictures taken. They came out so well. The puppies were very cooperative. They sat so pretty. I don't know if we can wait the 4 wks they said it would take to get them in. I will post them as soon as I get them.

oh i forgot to post that I have lost 3 1/2 pounds since I this journal.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Update.. The hershey bar is still in my desk drawer unopened. It will stay there too. I do not need it to make me feel better anymore.

Day 30

I have not written in a while because i have been busy with a work project. I have also been a little frustrated with the male population. First I have Tony, He has cut the last thread. He calls me to meet up with him and he falls asleep. Then Friday I call him to see if he wanted to have lunch together and he called back and then blew me off. Well jerk you just lost your turn.Your loss. I can not keep playing this game. Then there is Joe. He is happily married but says he still dreams of me. He states that I am sexy and he still wants me in his life. No buddy you chose someone else to journey down the isle with. You think of me, I have news for you, you hurt me emotionally. You never even knew you hurt me. I really do not think you cared that you hurt me. You are one of the reasons I got to this weight.I ate to cushion the let downs I always faced around you. One of the good memories of me and you is how you woke me up to the way Frank was treating me and after the let down from John. I loved going out and having fun together but then you always used me. This has caused me to be very angry. I am tired of being angry, you have the relationship you want and I do not want these feelings anymore. Understand. Like I said before you chose her, you live with that choice. I think that is about it for tonight. I feel a little bit better now.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Day 27

Well things went well at the expo. Spent a little too much money. Bought a lot of cool thing. Bought some really cool stamps. I did get most of Dr. Slack book done. The die cuts I ordered had a little miss spelling in it. So those are not ready yep. It is looking pretty good. I have to print out a few things and get some stuff that the office it printing out. I truly hope he like it. Things are doing pretty good. I had McDonalds for lunch yesterday and did not finish all of it. That is good. I barely at any chocolate during my cycle and I usually will kill for it during this time. This is going to work. I am going to  drop this weight. My only problem has been a migrane. I keep getting a Headache that will not leave. If it is not gone by monday I will have to call the Doctor to find out why..

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Day 25

Well not to much has happened over the last few days. Just working all the time and getting frustrated with the lack of management's awareness of problems.They are shouting themselves in the foot by not getting help when they are ahead instead of waiting until we are sinking. It is juat very sad how the current management has lead this practice into the ground. The have killed Dr. W's business. She was better off when connie was in control. Everyone respected everyone else. There no standing around. If you had a problem you did not have to worry about bringing punished for addressing the problem. I just don't see how this is going to be solved with current management. They don't have control and they don't have a back bone. They are never around when there is a problem or they run and don't back up the staff. enough about that...

I'm going to the Memories Expo in Orlando Tomorrow. YEAH!!!!! Until later...

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Day 23

Things have been busy the last 2 days. Short staffed at work and heavy patient load. I have been working on the going away present for one of the Doctors. His book is starting to take shape. I have been good on the diet. Today a patient brought Chocolate covered potato chips (My Favorite) to the office. I only had a small piece, dime size piece. Otherwise I have been doing very good on it. I have never realized how much this had help to unload on the computer instead of shoving food in my mouth.I have lost 3 lbs in about 3 weeks. The hershey bar is still in my drawer. Usually my first day on my cycle is the day I crave the sweets but it have not been bad today. Things are looking up.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Day 21

Not to much is going on. Mom passed her Real Estate broker test. I have still have not heard from the guy I discussed yesterday. Oh well he will get over it. It is not my problem. He will realized how he is acting and grow up someday. 

Diet update.: I have lost about 3 lbs since I started I this. I have  had the munchies this weekend. I think it is because I am due to start my cycle soon Monday). I have not had the sweet cravings like I usually have but I still have a week and it usually gets worst through out that week.. I will control those cravings because I am going to lose this weight.

Started on day 20

Well, it is finally the weekend. I know I did not write yesterday but I did not have much to say. I guess I will say it now. I think I have ticked off one of my former partners. He is married and has been bugging me for some oral activity. He can not get it through is head that he is married and I do not mess with men who is married. He had his chance with me and he totally blew me off. His loss. He has the wife that is what she is for. He is now acting real short to me because I won't help him out. He can piss and moan all he wants. I DON'T CARE. Like I said before I am tired of getting walked all over. It drives me bonkers when I talk to him and he acts so jealious if I talk about taking off work and it does not include seeing him. He needs to realize my life goes on without him. Don't get pissy with me if I have plans with someone else, like a guy. It does not mean that I am going to jump in bed with them and why would it matter anyway. I am a single adult female and you are a married man. You have your wife to go home to and cuddle up with, and for me it is an empty bed. It was not a wake up call when I called you on it and gave you a time and place and you backed out because you love her. Don't get pissy and short with me when you can't bring yourself do it. Don't keep harassing me about it if you ain't man enough to do it when you get the offer. What we had was in the past and you have a new future and you chose it without me in it, so you live with it. Welcome to Adulthood and the wonderful world of Marriage.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Day 18

The spider saga continues at work. My co-worker thinks she was bitten again. She causes her reaction to get worse by how she gets at the thought of them. She may have learned her lesson after she had to give herself a shot to counter act her so called reaction and is hurt. It is becoming such a drama.

My self control... Today at work one of the drug reps passed out reese cups (My fav) ton everyone and I gave mine away. I went to Wal-mart where they announced they that had just taken fresh bread out of the oven and I did not buy any.This is a milestone because those are my down falls..

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Day 17

Are there mornings that you feel you really should just stay in bed? Well this morning I should have listened. I walk in to hear this barking cough. One of my coworkers has this nasty cough and they still have her working. In the field of medicine we work in you can not come to work with that kind of cough. She is walking around all of the halls and even taking patients back and drawing labs. They were picking on me for spaying lysol but they do not realize that kind of cough would land me in intensive care. It could also be fatal to our patients. If you are that sick, STAY HOME..

And spiders. They are everywhere. I have a coworker who is afraid of them and is allergic to some of them. One was spotted in her work area and she about came out of her skin. The she starts itching & breaking out all over, mind you she was not bitten. Then she wonders why she is itching.. It is the adrenaline running through your body. Work came to a halt while everybody working in the office was told. Then she started on about how she was worried about losing her job because of this constant problem. It was a major drama. It is never a dull moment at the office. Disappearing members of managment, useless billing department, indestructible spiders, brainless coworkers and lasy, whiny MD's.

Diet wise: I have lost 2.5 pounds so far. This is really helping by unloading all these feelings and conqouring my eating habits. Thank you Dr. Phil. 

Day 16 (late entry)

I did not get to write for Day 16. We went to a wine tasting earlier in the evening and my head was swimming a little by journaling time came along. It was very neat to learn a more about the different types and origins of wines and wine making. I highly recommend this classto everyone as a must do in life.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Day 15

I love my mother but some of her comments really hurt. I know my mom and dad split on somewhat bad terms over 20 years ago. But she does not have to constantly remind me it or tell more faults. I love my dad andI have my own issues with him. What happened between them was a long time ago. In ways it has made me a stronger person. My dad has not always been there. And if he was there our time is cut short because he has to run off to do something with her faimly. One of the things that I continuely hear through my mind is from my graduation when Carolyn made the comment that they missed her nephews graduation to attend mine. Well he is my father if you wanted to go to your nephews ceremony you should have gone to and missed mine but my father better have attended it. That really hurt. You married and got me as an added bonus. I hurt when you could not have me at Jeff's funeral, because you could not handle me due to my age. Did you know it took me over 10 years to really accept his death. You did not care about my feelings until I lost a friend the same way. You did not realize that those statements really hurt. When you come down to visit. What about visiting me for once. The little comment about we will visit you more when you are married and have kids. Why can't you visit me now???? When I come up there to visit I spend 90% of my time there with Carolyn. I would be happy relaxing on the couch watching a football game or home improvement show. I do not need to shop every second that the stores are open. You made shopping with you guys a bad though in my heart. I wanted to buy an outfit when I was visiting, I was only a dollar or 2 short and you would not help me. I would have paid you back, I had the money at home, I would have given it to you. I promise.  See little things like that hurt and weigh on someone for life.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Day 14

Man.. Is there any way to understand them? You do your hair, put make up on  and dress nicely and they do not notice. They send out mixed signals just to play with your head. Hello, Kick your friend that you see everyday and flirt with the nice looking lady. But no.. you fall slept in the chair. This flirting crap is so frustrating. Oh well... Back to the wonerful world of work in a few hours..

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Day 13..

Did not get to write yesterday.. Not much happened. Talked with my dad. trying to figuire out when I am going to get up there to see them. That is another journalentry for another day.

As for today, I had an interesting day. I got to meet Fran from Trading Spaces. He was at the Orlando home show. I had my picture with him and revieved an autographed photo. He is the nicest person. His must be a fun guy to work with. The home show was neat but the bonus was meeting him. Can't wait to get the pictures developed and put in my scrapbook. It is best to arrive early. When we left at 2pm the cars were backed uo to 528. Then we went for lunch and came home. It was a good day.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Day 11

Well not to much to talk about. I have been working all day one paperwork and catching up.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Day 10

Well I sit here wondering if the power will stay on. Th power has been going on and off all evening. lets see if it makes it through.

Work: It is starting again. My coworkers are starting to assume that since i do not have kids or school to go to I can cover for them. Why is it my responsablity??? Debbie always has to have the last word. I was in the middle of an exam, I am not going to leave the doctor to go exit out of my computer. Call someone who is still signed in and ask them to exit, if I am not at my desk I can not exit. Get someone to help out. And How are people suppose to get things completed when they never get time to work on it??? I am beginning to think i need to leave this job to get the weight off. Not everyone is supportive. Like my horoscope said "Outsiders don't get it. You can't do it for them"

Chocolate Update: It is out of the desk drawer. No I did not eat it. I gave it away to a set of parents that made a special trip to show us their sweet little doll. It was worth it she was a very alert little lady for 5 days old.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Day 9

Well today started off like a normal. After lunch the staff from the business office came over because they started smelling something in there office. They thought that it was a gas leak. So they called the fire department. Well that office do not have city gas to it so common sense would say that it is not a natural gas leak. Well it is a Methane gas back up. This only means that the poop they have been dishing out is coming back to get them or in simple terms, they are full of Sh*t. The fumes were coming from the restroom that was totally destroyed and is sitting empty. It is probably not capped off like it should be, done half of the proper way required for safety reasons. The second interesting thing: A police drug stop in our parking lot. Yes, 4 undercover patrol cars pull over a car in our parking lot and arrest a lady for possession of cocaine. So the afternoon turned into an adventure. Me, I just behaved myself and tried to keep out of trouble. I did as I was told or asked by my superiors. I stayed out of the way of upset Doctors. I put the patients in the rooms and put labs in the computer. But I just remembered that I did not run the Quest manifest. Nothing I can do from here. And again why is it My responsablity to do it. Everyone left early and did not run it. I ran Labcorp when he came in. See I am not worrying about it. Oops..Life goes on.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Day 8

Not much happened today. We were busy at work, to busy to sit down and think. spent most of the time answering the OB phone calls. I am truly amazed that Tina can get anything done. Between Answering the calls, Calling patients with results and 4 new OB's a wonder she takes some many anti-depressants a day. Some of these patients worry me about how they will be as parents.

Hershey Bar Update: Still in my desk drawer.

Sunday, September 21, 2003


Well the weekend is over already. Time to start another rough week at work. Did not do much but take care of a sick puppy. Poor little IV Grace was sick all night and most of the morning.Did a little bit of cleaning on the Jet Ski and finished up laundry. I mostly relaxed and cuddled my sick little baby.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

IM entry Day 6

Today I do not have much to write about.. It is was a very low key day. Spent the day washing laundry and relaxing.

Day 5 Late entry

9/19/03: Went to work today as usual. It was like any day. They brought the staff from our Palm Bay office to the Melbourne office. Of course not long after I arrived I heard what I hate to hear, " I don't know how to do that" " I can't do that" and "after yesterday I not working with her". Life is a bear, you have to put it behind you, today is a new day. She is going to have to lose that attitude before she is moved up to Melbourne. I am so glad it is the weekend. Time to unload and relax. Then after work I went to Victoria's Secret to be properly fitted for a Bra.  Properly fitting bras can get expensive. Then I went out jet skiing with Richie and his friend Neal for a few hours. They wore that poor jet ski out. I was so tired afterwards u ended up crashing before writing, so i must catch up today. I will write my entry for today a little later.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Day 4

Today I suprised myself. I stood up for myself. I stood my supervisor that I was tired of doing almost all of the procedures. I told her that I would be going on vacation one day and would not be there to do it for them and what would they do then? I thold her that they needed to learn to do it on there own. I know it pissed her off but it is part of the reason I keep gaining weight. I do so much to satisfy everyone else and it eats at me because I always get walked all over and then I eat to make myself fell better. And if I am going to lose weight I have to stand up for myself. I am very proud of myself. This is a I needed to do to control my eating habits and why I eat. I have notice that since I have changed my attitude I have started eating less and not craving all the chocolate or pasta.  I will lose this weight and I will stop letting myself be walked on.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Day 3

This is kinda hard to write after you do the inital unloading of feelings. My current frustrations is with my baby IV Grace. At night she does a lot of crying and whinning. She whines from the time she finishes her dinner until she falls asleep or she gets what she wants. I have tried to break her of the habit by not giving is but mom turns around and gives in to her cries. We love on her, we cuddle her, we play with her, we kiss on her. But all she seems to want is food, a bone or a chewy. Then mom wonders why her weight continues to climb higher. I walk her so that we both can lose weight and mom just continues to stuff bones in her face. I try to tell mom that they do not need a bone every time we walk in the down. All I hear is that they beat on me until they get one. She does not realized that she is rewarding them for beating on her. You should hold off on the bone until they have calmed down then reward them for sitting and being calm. Then i hear that they don't know any better. No mom they are smart enohg to have trained you to get them a bone as soon as you enter the house. They have you wrapped around their little paw.

Work: I am not sure that work will ever change under it's current management. I want people properly trained but if you do not have enough people to cover the staff on hand and a full patient load it is not a good mixture. The new member of the staff is thrown in to working mode. It is just not a great mixture. And like I said before, the person who should be training should know how to work things completely. Management should be something that is in the middle of the hussle-n-bussle for the office to see how the employees are doing. They should not be off site and out of touch. The current managmemnt just disappears at times, she never answers her pages. The employees should not have to play find the boss. The manager should also not ignore an employee because they have discovered a problem that needs to be fixed. That does not make the problem disappear, it usually leads to a larger more expensive problem. Why are some people lacking common sense?

oops.. wrote a little too much

Bright points of the day: I did not over eat. I did not eat the Hershey bar that is in my desk. I did not eat any other junk food. I did not eat any of the cookies brought into the office. I have not used food to cushion my recent feelings i have used this Journal instead. You burn more calories typing then shoveling food into your mouth. I have tickets for see Phantom of the Opera in January. I wish it could only be sooner. It has a little too long since I last saw this work of art. They are awesome seat too. :-)~

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Day 2

I am so glad that this day is over. It was a very long and frustrating one. I sometimes feel that some people look at the world as a some place they just work. They just do what they can to get through the day and don't do anything until they are forced to. And then there are others that work until they are to the point of falling over from exhaustion. The people who do not know the most are always the one who are teaching the new employees how to do things. They seem to take credit for things others have done even though they have not help out with the project at all. When they are given a project to do they seem to delegate it off onto someone else even though that persons work load is currently over what they can complete in a reasonable amount of time. I have also noticed that if you whine enough you will get your way no matter how little they pull their weight. Some individuals do not realize that for a business to work smoothly everyone needs to work as a team. People can't seem to understand that people don't like to you out when you never help you coworkers out when they are away from work.


Diet wise: I reduced amount of food. I took a Hershey bar that was given to me and put it in my desk drawer. When I was frustrated today with my coworkers I did not run and gobble it down. It is not what will fix my frustration. It is still there unopened. I ate a low calorie meal with watermelon. I did not walk today due to the fact that it started raining not long after getting home.

Monday, September 15, 2003

Day 1

My Height: 5'4" Weight: 195 (dressed in scrubs)

Well, this is the beginning. I am not going to be hard on myself anymore. I am going to be successful at losing 50 pounds by this time next year I will be healthier. My cholesterol will be in a healthy range.  I will be a happier person. I will not allow myself to be walked on by others. I would like to stop being so scared of change. I will stand up for myself more. I will finally decide what I want to do as a career. I hope that is not too much to expect to change but I have to do this for myself.

I have finally awaken to the fact that no one is going to help me but me. I have been walked on for to many years and it is now time for people to do things I want. I want to be treated with respect. I do not want to be the girl is always chosen last, the perfect friend and the go to person. It is time people start to learn to do things on there own. I will not be a work everyday to do it for them. I am adopting the "see one, do one and teach one" Philosophy. I am tired of hearing I that I will be a great mother someday or that some guy will be lucky to have someone like you as a wife. I want to be that person but this change will help me be this person. I have got to learn what I have been doing so wrong to cause them not choose me before. The first thing is it is thier loss. And to my past boyfriends, If I was not the person you wanted to marry before please don't wander back saying "I miss you" and all that bull now that you are married. You married her not me and now you have to live with your decision. Please do not come running back to me. I am tired of living in the past. I am moving on. You guys have played with my heart enough that I don't need it emotionally or physcially. You guys have caused most of my weight problem. I have turned to eating to comfort the hurt in my heart. I am not going to allow myself to hurt like that anymore. Someday you guys will truly realize what a great person you lost. This is the beginning of a change for the better.