Friday, November 14, 2003

Day 58-59

I now can not sleep. I have to get some sleep maybe this will help. I usually like the TV show ER but tonight It helped bring back memories. Bad memories. When I was in Junior High School I lost 2 great people who were going through a rough time in their lives. They both made decisions that had a permanent end. My stepbrother, Jeff. committed suicide due to depression and a break up with a girl. He had such a bright future and ended it in a moment of stupidity. Several months later I lost a classmate and friend, Ryan, to the same things but add family problems to the mixed. I am not sure if Jeff was dealing with family problem. We all fought. I did not see it as much when I was visiting but I know they had problems. Tonights episode of ER had a patient shot himself in the head. Jeff & Ryan both took their lives that way. It brought back all those memories. I remember sitting with Heidi in the hallway of the school and being told to leave. I remember watching it on the news. I remember mom telling me about Jeff and then telling me that carolyn could not handle it if I was at Jeff's funeral. Last year was the the first time I accually visited his grave site. It has been very hard to deal with his death without say good-ye when it happened. It has always been a painful place in my heart. Why did the show not edit the shot out.

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