Monday, September 06, 2010

Just not myself.

I hate rainy yucky days. It just makes me feel worse then I already do. I am 35 y/o and feel like a total waste. Have you seen that movie Good Luck Chuck. I am the female version. Yeppers.. I am tired of being a good luck charm for Men. What is so wrong with me. I am tired of hearing "you would make such a great mother" or "Why aren't you married" or "Why are you still single you are such a great girl". Well apparently there it something wrong with me. No man wants to settle down with me. No man wants me but why. Is it because their mother's like me? It is because their family likes me. Is that such a crime? Is it because of my independence? Is it because I was smart enough not to get knocked up right out of high school? I would like find my own place. I would like to be able to pay off my credit cards and then I could get my own place. Maybe this possible job change will be the best for me. I am just tired of being alone. I am tired of feeling like I am useless and will never be worth anything to anyone other then my pups. I know the boys and Isabela love me but it is not the same. They are not my flesh and blood. I want someone who looks up to me. The boys are almost to the age where they will not need Miss Christy anymore. I feel like I should just have my IUD removed and if it happens it happens. Obviously there is never going to be a wedding. Someone to share my bed with, well other then my the spotted monsters and my occasional 7 y/o who wanders into my bed in the middle of the night. That is the greatest.. Well until they try to take over the bed. Oh well.. time to get ready for the rough day of work ahead the rest of the week. I see some OT coming my way.