Thursday, April 15, 2010

Awoke to the strangest dream

This morning as usual I fell back to sleep after hitting my alarm for the 100th time. Every Almost everytime I do this they are the strangest of my dreams. I think this one is the weirdest of the all. I woke because I was pregnant and 2 of the physicians I work for where trying to get me to deliver. The strange part is that I was fighting them not to deliver. I kept telling them that I was not ready. The doctors where stating I needed to be delivered right away. They where also fighting as to whom would do said delivery. When I say fighting them I mean they are both pulling dragging me into the hospital. Don't ask where this dream came from. I fell asleep I was watching Xmen: Wolverine. And yes there is a pregnant woman in one of the books I am reading but there is nothing like that in the other two books. (Sorry having a really bad ADHD problem the last week in the reading department). I am not in a serious relationship not in any form of a relationship. My IUD is extremely happy where it is and it has 2 years left on it. My 3 year date of placement was on the 13th. The doctor I work for is wanting so bad to pull it out and have me get pregnant. A couple of my co-workers are also wanting the same. I am just not where I want to be. I want to be married with someone who wants children. I don't want to raise a child on my own. The selfish side is I don't want to give myself daily injections of blood thinner though out the pregnancy and I don't want to do that ALONE. My co-workers say to use Anthony as a donor. Well that is hard, Between his work schedule and the fact that we only see each other in the sexual every couple of months. My heart is just so torn. It wants this to happen but my brain says no you are not ready. I need a way to silence this clock going off. And when I have a foster baby it makes it even harder. I think get to thinking that this person brought this beautiful baby into the world and they are stupid enought to hurt that innocent little sweetie. I think that is what is making this worse. My head is swimming..

Oh yeah.. Said temporary crown came off Tuesday.. Oops... Go back to the dentist in the morning.

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